A few simple requests and one purple nurple
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A sign I'm getting older than I want to be:
I picked up three boxes of macaroni & cheese from Kroger last night, and I went with the Kraft spiral noodles, which is what I've bought for about the past three months.
Last night I finally realized I'm not getting the spirals because I like them better, but just because the spirals are on the third shelf from the bottom, while the regular kind is a shelf lower.
I never feel like bending all the way down to reach the lower shelf, so I keep settling for the spirals.
I'm convinced the spirals are a shelf higher just because they wouldn't sell if they were on the botttom. Suckers like me are keeping the Kraft spirals in production.
Speaking of Kroger (sort of), my new potential favorite restaurant is right around the corner from the Kroger on Perkins Avenue.
I was at Quiznos for lunch yesterday, and the owner of the store (Paul) told me he knows how much I love bratwurst, and how he'd be more than happy to keep some bratwurst at the store. Whenever I come in, he'd run it through their toaster oven for me.
This could be a breakthrough of epic proportions.
If I can convince him to do this (first just for me, but soon for the entire city), I might be able to convince other area restaurants to do cool things to help improve the entire Sandusky eating experience.
Here are a few of my requests:
I'd like Kentucky Fried Chicken to stop serving its own chicken and instead start serving Popeye's fried chicken.
I'd like the Wendy's drive-thru worker who hands you your food to wear one of those King masks from the creepy Burger King commercials.
I mentioned this in a column once before, and I have been assured by the people at Wendy's that it will happen before too long.
I'll keep you posted.
I'd like every pizza place in the city to make sure it offers green olives as a topping.
I'd like the apples at Panera Bread to be a little bit bigger. I love the fact that Panera serves apples as a side dish (more places should do that), but their apples are always so small, they're gone in like three bites.
Also, Panera should offer green apples as well as red ones.
Many people prefer green apples.
I'd like the China Buffet out by Wal-Mart to stop serving that dish they have called Ketchup Chicken.
They have some solid options out there, but I tried that Ketchup Chicken, and it's absolutely terrible. It's just chicken chunks covered in some sauce that tastes like straight ketchup.
How is that a Chinese dish?
How is that dish a good idea, regardless of what country it's from?
CoasterMania (... and bratwurst)
On Friday, Cedar Point will host its 19th annual CoasterMania day, with more than 1,200 coaster-enthusiasts from around the country coming to check out Maverick, Millenium Force and the other rides.
I don't really have much to say about this, but I was told to mention it in my column. I was told to do this by some people at work who rank a little higher than I do on the totem pole (honestly, I'm very low). I couldn't really say no.
What's sad is, if I tell these people to mention bratwurst or something like that on the front page of the Register, they don't have to listen, but I have to talk about whatever they want me to.
I think a breaking news story about bratwurst with a big photo would be a welcome addition to the front page of the Register every once in a while.
I'd be happy to pose for said photo, or just supply the bratwurst and let someone better-looking pose (if we can find someone who meets such high criteria).
Chocolate pudding, indeed.
Last week I briefly mentioned how I've always kind of wanted a third nipple made out of chocolate pudding. Well, that will (probably) never happen, but I do now know what it feels like to have something on my chest that at least resembles a third nipple made out of pudding.
At Bike Week on Saturday, one of my friends gave me the ole purple nurple. If you don't know what that means (consider yourself lucky) - it's when someone grabs your nipple and twists.
And this girl twisted hard.
Right away, I said how much it hurt, but that only led to girls trying to bite my nipple through my shirt, which also hurt.
Oh, beer, you flighty temptress. You make people act crazy.
So, anyway, I woke up Sunday morning with some pain in the pectoral region. When I removed my shirt for my weekly shower (... just kidding, I do shower daily), I noticed a gigantic purple splotch right under my right nipple.
It was actually a little bit bigger than normal nipple size, and it looked remarkably like chocolate pudding.
It's not as cool looking as I was thinking it would be.
Maybe something like strawberries or cheese would be a better choice.
One last request
And don't worry - this request has nothing to do with food.
Some of my friends from Cleveland are coming into town this weekend because they want to check out what the Goodtimes Cruise to Kelleys Island is all about.
So we're going on the 9 p.m. boat Friday.
I've kind of lied to these people and led them to believe I'm a big deal around here. Obviously, everyone in Sandusky knows I'm not, but people from Cleveland have no idea.
So, if you're on the 9 p.m. cruise Friday and you see me, it'd be real cool if you came over and said something like, "Hey, Justin, I really like your columns. You're awesome. You're my hero."
I know you won't actually mean it, but my friends won't know that. They don't read my columns - they think I'm an idiot.
If you help me out, I'll buy you a drink or something.
I'm not sure what shirt I'll wear Friday - I was thinking of wearing my favorite blue shirt I got from a store in Italy a few years ago, but I wore that out recently and some random girls made fun of me, claiming that it was the same shirt I'm wearing in my "Powell Time" picture.
For the record, it's not. The blue shirt I'm wearing in the picture is one I got from Kohl's that's about four sizes too big for me. I have no idea why I ever wear it.
If I don't wear the blue shirt from Italy, I'll probably go with a black shirt with purple stripes that I picked up recently.
And underneath I'll be wearing armor over my nipples, so don't try anything crazy.
POWELL'S PICKS
GO ON THE 9 P.M. GOODTIMES CRUISE FRIDAY, and introduce yourself to me. This is for people with short attention spans who might have already forgotten the previous 10 paragraphs.
CHECK OUT JADY KURRENT, 10 p.m., June 16 at Cabana Jacks, Sandusky. This is one of my friend's favorite bands. He will be there, dancing like a fiend. I will be in Cleveland, mentally preparing myself for Sunday's Game 5 of the Cavs series, which I'll be going to. Rise up, LeBron, Booby and Co.
WATCH THE POOCH PARADE, 10:30 a.m., June 16 at Put-in-Bay. Dogs in costumes. Brilliant! Now if we could just get a dog to wear the King mask from those Burger King commercials and man the Wendy's drive-thru, we'd really be on to something.
WATCH THE CAVS GAME WITH YOUR DAD (OR YOUR KIDS), 8:30 p.m., June 17 on ABC. Father's Day, basketball, maybe a bratwurst or four - sounds like a good day to me. And if you're willing to drive a little ...
CHECK OUT THE DUCT TAPE FESTIVAL, June 15-17 in Avon. How many festivals are there devoted entirely to a form of tape? (Hopefully, only one - I'm not really sure, though).
E-mail me at editor@funcoast.com. Quick, Meadow is coming in the door. Cut to the black screen ...
