Grin & Barrett: The Almanac knows all. Or at least, enough
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So 2008 begins Tuesday and my Old Farmer's Almanac says...
Wait a minute.
What's The Old Farmer's Almanac doing in Funcoast?
Funcoast is supposed to be hip and happenin', right? How does something clearly designated as "old" fit in?
Wel-l-l-l-l-l ... this venerable publication (The Farmer's Almanac, not Funcoast) has provided some cutting edge information over the years - the recipe for "easy and safe puke" in 1830, (see related Funcoast story, Page 7,) how to purchase Double Strength Gypsy Fish Bait Oil, just $4.98 with a money back guarantee, in 1958 (what a bargain) and, as recently as 2001, an emergency wrinkle remedy you might consider before attending a big event.
A big event? I do believe we have one of those coming up.
See? I told you this information would be relevant. "Just iron your face: Smooth on a generous coating of petroleum jelly or vegetable oil. Heat a metal spoon in a cup of hot water. ëIron' lines and creases with the back of the spoon, reheating it as needed. Tissue off excess jelly or oil and pat on skin freshener."
And shazam! You're ready for the ball drop in Times Square. Or the Walleye Drop in Port Clinton. Or the Sausage Drop in Elmore. Or a night with Big Dead Toe in Fremont.
So now that you're lookin' good, let's see what the Almanac says we have to look forward to in the near future:
Roofs designed to shake off snow. That's a great idea. They should make cars that do that. Or better yet, driveways.
Men's coats made from angora, fur and cashmere. And more pale yellows, pinks and baby blues in their wardrobes. Sweet!
Gentler, kinder bosses. Wow - mine are already pretty nice. But the Almanac says they might start making cookies for me soon. That would be kind of weird though, wouldn't it? Like working for Ernie Keebler.
Clothing made from materials like bamboo and crab shells. Hmm, sounds a little scratchy to me.
In other fashion trends, jeans that really fit: "U.K. women fed up with ill-fitting jeans are stepping into a futuristic-looking pod to have their entire body scanned, and the 200 measurements are being used to manufacture a pair of perfectly fitting jeans." This technology is coming soon to U.S. fitting rooms. The price? A mere $482 a pair.
Brides carrying puppies or kittens instead of bouquets. Awww... Can I have a do-over on my wedding ceremony?
Formerly taboo clothing combos getting a green light: Red and pink, ok to mix. Brown and black, ditto.
Stripes and polka dots? Apparently OK too.
Home owners offering "sleep-overs" to potential buyers. Hey - I had that idea a long time ago. How else are you gonna know if the place has things that go bump in the night?
Tastier cheese. Tastier cheese? Who needs cookies!
So there you have it - when that guy at the Walleye Drop wearing a pink cashmere coat, red polka-dot shirt and striped trousers asks for your phone number, don't write him off, write it down.
He's cutting edge.
He probably has a snow-shakin' chalet and bakes snickerdoodles for his staff. Who knows? He just might be the one, if your goals in the New Year include carrying a basket of kittens down the aisle.Written by Laura Barrett
